SELF-MADE

Game Recap: Tonight we lost a heartbreaker to Winthrop University. I feel as if we are on the brink of turning this season around. We have been a couple plays away from winning our last 2 games. I want to thank all the students and fans who came out to support the team. A special thanks goes out to the wild and crazy fans that caused Winthrop to miss some key free-throws. I can only hope that our fans keep up the enthusiasm and provide a fun atmosphere to play in. There is no humor in our record or losing streak, nor will I try to find some. I pray that the team will not lose confidence and keep fighting to persevere in this long, grueling season.


On another note, those of you who were at the game tonight, I was in my warm-up with my white long-sleeve T-shirt under it. This tactic is used to distinguish myself from the rest of the eligible players and to make myself look less like a water boy/towel boy, while still looking like I’m part of the team. If anyone has any other ideas on how to look less like a water boy/towel boy, let me know. Also, yesterday during practice I was glancing through the media guide/program and realized that it does not have me listed as a Redshirt. Instead, under my name it reads, “Has not dressed in a game this year”. This upsets me almost as much as it upsets my fans. But don’t panic, I have not been lying to our readers. I’m not sure who is responsible for this mistake, but I promise I will get to the bottom of it and correct it.


Due to the overload of emails and text messages asking me why I didn’t mention my super high hops (jumping ability for those of you who don’t know basketball lingo) in my previous blog, I shall answer that now. I was under the impression that I had lost my super high hops due to the 3 month stretch of inactivity caused by my surgery. However that is not the case. Today after shoot around, the team was teasing me and Sweeney by telling us we couldn’t dunk. We’re still not sure why they would assume such a thing. They kept uttering the phrase “white man can’t jump”, I just don’t get it. Sweeney started our dunk session off with a powerful 1 handed jam off 2 feet. I then followed with a 1 handed haymaker off one foot that caused the gym erupt with ooohs and aaahs. Then we decided to take it to the next level. I took off from the Big South logo and threw down a monstrous 2 handed flush, receiving 10s from all the players and coaches. Now the stage was set. In order to represent the white race and go down in the history books as the best tandem of Caucasian dunkers CSU has ever seen, Sweeney needed to complete the 2 handed dunk to validate his dunking status and to prove to coach Radebaugh that he wasn’t the un-athletic white boy from Brookhaven, Pennsylvania he was known to be. Needless to say, Sweeney put his nerves aside; tossed the ball in the air, and seemed to defy gravity as he lifted his body off the ground, gliding through the air like a baby bird leaving his momma for the first time, and threw down the infamous 2 handed dunk. Once again the gym erupted and Sweeney and I gave a bow, the manliest chest bump you’ve ever seen, and made our way to the locker room, avoiding all autograph seekers. Although this was a historical day for the African American race (congrats president Obama and may you have the wisdom to lead our country), it also marked an important day for the white race as we plunged into the record books with an enormous boost of swagger. After the adrenaline wore off, I looked down at my hands and noticed blisters forming on my hands and a bruise developing on my forearm from the rim. I guess this is the price you pay for “playing above the rim”.


In closing, I cannot say when the next post will be. But please comment, tell your friends, and if you're experiencing withdrawals, re-read the previous posts and enjoy.


Yours Truly,

Self